A Blog by Jake Glaser

I watched the sunrise through the window of an Indian train. The light shined through the cracked glass hitting her hair with the effect of mixing paint. The yellow sun smoothly merged into her golden hair as the train cruised across the various landscapes of the country the two of us have called home for the last three months. I smiled and grabbed my camera in an effort to capture the beauty. I knew Heather was ready to go home, but oh how well she fit the scene.

Of course only Heather can say the real reason she traveled to India, but I have my thoughts. Seeing the tragedy that has happened to such a sweet girl and her loving family just leaves your mind numb. Your heart still beats, but it just seems to fail to connect to the reality that has consumed your thoughts.

Heather first approached me in the Chicago International Airport. She greeted me with a warm smile and a friendly hello. We shared storied and I quickly got excited about my coming months with this interesting girl. Obviously the details of the reason of her uncommon journey didn’t instantly come out, but as weeks went on I slowly was allowed into more and more of her life.

The break from the stresses of life along with a chance to get out seemed like the perfect prescription for a broken heart, but as we both experience the many shocks of this massive country together I couldn’t help but worry about how her healing process was going. Being surrounded by death and extreme poverty so far from home, now didn’t feel like the way out.

Maybe Heather doesn’t want a way out, but I really doubt that. I think she come here partially as a goodbye gift for her love, who had dreams of what she has made a reality; but also partially to attempt to figure out something that people at her age don’t normally have to deal with.

Looking at Heather I like to think she has grown. She often expresses how excited she is to return to her family, but I know she will miss her Indian life and I know I will miss the huge role she has played in mine.

So, In a week Heather will be back at home in the comforting arms of the ones who love her, but something will be different, her world will be bigger and her understanding of the confusion of life/death will be part of a much larger field. She will fly from one half of this world to the next, she will have seen different cultures and lives, but most importantly she will have seen the many lands and people that God created and watches over. Heather has seen more of what has been created to live on during this life. These are some of the things Aaron never got to fully experience, until now. Through the tragedy a smile can be seen rippling across the faces as if one has just gained understanding to a little part of life, like it was a riddle that has been racking their brain for quite some time. In a way, Aaron is the lucky one. I know he is following Heather step-by-step pushing her and being proud that she has endured on such an adventure, while at the same time he is looking down on God’s grand creation with the creator himself. I personally can’t think of a better way to experience India. It truly is the Grand tour.

Good thing Blogging isn't my job, or I fear I would fail miserably. I'm so sorry that I haven't been very diligent in getting new posts up. I've been so busy, though, and have been having some great experiences.
Well, I think I'll start with big event number one: going to the Indian wedding. Prashant, my older brother's friend, was kind enough to invite Jake and I to attend a wedding with us. I'm so thankful, because is definitely one of my highlights since I've been to India. There was just such an incredible amount of everything there: food, drinks, friends, family, music, entertainment, dancing, excitement, colors, beautiful saris, etc. I was so intrigued by everything that was going on around me that I was speechless. Jake and I were smiling from ear to ear the whole time. Every wall of the event space was lined with endless amounts of food. Prashant and I joked that it would be paradise for Mance. After one plate I was full, but there was so much to taste that I willed my stomach to hold more. Everything was delicious. Also, I could get over how incredible everyone looked. The saris were brightly colored and embelished with so many sparkles, patterns, and designs. I felt so underdressed in my plain black shirt and dark jeans haha. Jake and I both had an amazing time, and thanked Prashant for inviting us after he dropped us back at the home base.
This week my students were having their spring exams everyday, so I didn't get to do much teaching. One thing that I really enjoyed, though, was getting to know the kids in a different way that just students. They were allowed to go out and play after they finished testing, so I got to just play with them. They taught me new Hindi words and games. Our roles were reversed and I was suddenly the student learning from them. It was a great week.
Also, I went with Jake and Cathy to Pappan Kalan to paint a room for the women's sewing group there. Before the room such a dark place. The windows let in little sunlight because of all the morter and dirt that was caked on them. The walls had become an uninviting grey, and there were signs of mice everywhere. As a surprise for the girls, we painted cleaned everything up, painted the walls a bright yellow color with some designs as a border, and then ordered tile to be put in the kitchen area and a new rug. The girls didn't know that anything was being done to the room, so I'm excited to see how they respond. The room now light and inviting with a bright purple door. It felt good to be doing some physical labor here, where I could actually see a visible improvement. Working with the kids has been so rewarding, but sometimes I fear that they're helping me more than I'm helping them.
It was funny watching all of the children gather outside the door to see what the "crazy foreigners" were doing. They kept coming in around the corner, trying to sneak a peak at what was going on in the room. Who would have known painting a room would cause so much commotion. Every once in a while we would take a tea break and play a little with the children. At one point Jake was taking so long to finish painting one of the doors because every five seconds he would run off to play. I ended up finishing the door for him haha.
On the way home Jake and I were in such a good mood that we sang the whole way home. Both of us were listening to different songs on our iPods, but were trying to make the songs go together haha. I feel bad for poor Kathy and Kewal for having to listen.

Ok, so I tried to add some pictures of the before and after for the sewing class, but it's not working. I'll try again tomorrow morning.

The Latest News...

Have a just a little bit of free time before lunch, so I'm going to try and type out a blog super fast...
Last week was the hardest week I've had since I've been here. I felt like I was very redundant in school because none of the kids would listen to me or participate in the lessons. One day I actually just gave up trying to get their attention, sat down for the rest of the class, and watched them all run around and punch each other. I think the only thing that kept me sane during those few days was a little boy in my class. He sat in the corner writing his ABC's and singing. The song was slow and sad, but very beautiful. As I focused on his singing the rest of the class's yelling moved to the background.
I think I've finally gotten past the stage where the kids try to take advantage of my lack of Hindi, though. The past few times I've been in class they've been doing a lot better. I'm very encouraged by this. This morning I was even able to do some fun activities without them getting out of control. We all sat in a circle and did a large puzzle on the floor. The puzzle had different animals and numbers on it. I think they enjoyed it, and I did as well. I'm also starting a project of my own. I'm going to make a little book about all the kids in the class. I'm going to have their name, a picture, where they are in their studies, etc. I think this will help the next volunteer get to know all of the kids faster, while also giving information on where each kid stands acedemically. This was something that I had a problem with when I first got here. I had no idea what they had previously been learning, and how much each child knew. So, it was hard to make lesson plans at first. If nothing else, the book will at least help the volunteers learn each kid's name. That in itself was quite a challenge for me haha.
This past weekend I went to a Christian church in Delhi. The people all mingled before church, talking in English (I actually knew what was happening around me for a change). They had a band to sing with, and a lot of the songs were songs that I have sung in my own church. It was very comforting- like a little slice of home.
It rained all day yesterday and all night. It was more rain than I've seen the whole month and a half I've been here! So, the weather has changed again and is much cooler than last week. Hopefully it won't last long. I was really enjoying the sun.
We have this Friday off for yet another holiday (God bless India and all of it's holidays... It takes a whole third off of the years work days haha). So, I'm going to have a long weekend. Jake and I were going to try and go to Varanassi. The train ride is so long that you really need more than just a two day weekend. Unfortunately there weren't any more train tickets available when we looked. I don't know what we're going to do instead. Maybe go to the jungle or Jaipur.

Feelings don't change because you leave the country

For those of you who read my blog, you may have been wondering why it’s taken me so long to update it. Forewarning: Here’s the truth, and it’s not uplifting in any way. I apologize.
I have only been writing my blog on days that go very well, and I am able to (for a very short period of time) forget the reality of my situation. The first few weeks here were extremely busy. I would wake up in the morning, go to work, eat lunch, have a lecture, go on some escapade around Delhi, eat dinner, and then go to bed. I didn’t have much free time. Everyone around me was new, and I was getting to know them. While this was fun, it also ensured that I never had any time to myself, which inadvertently meant that I never had any time to cry over my longing for Aaron. I would sneak in some tears in the middle of the night, or escape on a short visit to the toilet, but I was very limited.
Since the last volunteer group left, I have finished my orientation and no longer have any roommates. Which means more free time, more time to think, more time to feel. It’s coming up on the 5th month mark since Aaron’s death. How is it possible that all that time has passed? I’m still in the same place, but world is continuing. This simple fact is utterly heart breaking.
I haven’t written a blog since my trip to Rishikesh because I haven’t been able to bury my feelings since then. I have felt Aaron’s absence all around me. My logic tells me that I wouldn’t feel this absence so intensely half way across the world in India, because Aaron was never here. But I am, and Aaron was always with me.

These are a few entries from my journal while I’ve been avoiding the blog:
“Aaron should be here. Everyone always says ‘He’s there with you in your heart.’ I know they’re trying to help me, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I can’t talk to him, touch him, hug him, smile at him, smell him, laugh with him. He’s now a small box of ashes next to my bed, a photo album I won’t let leave my side, a necklace that hangs by my heart, and memories I fear to forget. I miss him more than I can express.”
“I’m very lonely today. I’m in a city of 15 million people, and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. One person can make all the difference. I wish I could talk to Aaron. Even if I couldn’t see him or hug him, I just wish we could talk.”
“ I didn’t get out of bed today. I cried. I didn’t eat breakfast today. I cried. I didn’t get dressed today. I cried. I didn’t eat lunch today. I cried. I didn’t talk to anyone today. I cried. I didn’t eat dinner today. I cried. I didn’t leave my bed today I cried. It felt like he was really gone today. So, I cried.”

I’ll stop there, because I know it’s outright depressing. These are feeling that I would have regardless of my location on the planet though. I don’t want this entry to mislead anyone. I am so glad that I made this trip, and whole heartedly believe it was the best thing for me.
There are things about India that are infinitely comforting at this time. When I was in America after Aaron’s death, the simple normalcy of everything was devastating. Everyone was just going about their day, like normal, in an organized fashion, while my life was in absolute chaos. I was stopped in my tracks, watching the world go by in a blur. I would zone out to the point where I couldn’t hear anything going on around me, and there were times of the day that were totally filled with silence. Silence is a dangerous thing when you have a mind, especially when that mind is full of the painful truth.
India, being almost the exact opposite, is filled to the brim with insanity. There seems to be many things here that don’t associate with any type of logic, and I love that. People show up hours late to a planned engagement, or better yet, they don’t show up at all. I see it almost everyday. I know a good portions of American’s would have a heart attack over this, but in India it’s completely acceptable, and in some cases, even expected. For a person, such as myself, who is having a hard time knowing what they’ll be able to do in a few hours, much less the next day or week, this is an extreme comfort. If it’s one of those days where my heartache moves to a whole body ache, I don’t really have to do anything. Before I left on this trip, I would make plans to meet with people, but at the last minute decide that I just didn’t have the strength at that time. I felt rude, inconsiderate, and like a bad friend. Here, on the other hand, I just feel like a fellow Indian.
There are people everywhere, always moving, always talking, always doing something. This leads to the best thing about Delhi, India… There is NEVER any silence. To make this ever better, all of the noise going on around me is in a language that I don’t understand. My mind doesn’t try to listen to the words that I can’t comprehend, so it just relaxes into a loud drone that makes it almost impossible to think- a beautiful escape. And I’ve come to realize that sometimes that’s all you need. Not everything can be fixed or healed in a timely fashion. You can’t always feel better when you want to. Sometimes pain is unbearable, and it’s these times that you need an escape in order to regain your strength for the next time you are slapped in the face by reality.
Now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you, have a nice day ☺
I’ll have another good day soon (it’s inevitable thank goodness), which will lead to another good blog.

The GanJ

I had an eventful weekend to say the least. It was by far the most fun weekend that I've had since I've been in India. After class at Vidya the teachers had a little going away party for the Australians. They bought us samosas and chai. It was very thoughtful, not to mention delicious. I even had to sneak in a second samosa before rushing back to the home base to meet Anne. I quickly packed my essentials for the weekend and we headed out the door. Before leaving, though, I ate yet another samosa. Anne's response to this was, "Heather.. Three samosas? Three stomachs." haha Apparently that's an absolutely insane amount of food to eat. I have skills. What can I say?
We took a rickshaw to the train station and searched for our train. Our train was called the Janshitabi Express, so of course we got on the Janshitabi Express (not knowing that there were two different trains with the same name). After getting comfortable, we looked around and decided there was no way this was the right train, because it was supposed to be sold out. So, we asked the two other people that were on the train and found out we were on the entirely wrong platform. Before going to platform 11 (which is where the correct Janshitabi Express was) we asked three different people... just to be sure. The train ride went smoothly. Thank goodness for the guy sitting next to me, or we wouldn't have ever gotten off the train. They don't announce where you are when the train stops, and because it was night we couldn't see any signs.
We took a taxi to the place where we were staying. After about an hour of driving, the taxi driver pulled off to the side of an incredibly rough dirt road. We were at our destination. There was no building in sight except for a little shack for the forest guard. Needless to say, Anne and I were confused. A man with a flashlight showed up after about five minutes, though and led us down a trail to an incredible Bed and Breakfast. Our room was so nice. I felt like we were in a 5 star hotel compared to the CCS home base. The heater worked, the shower stayed hot for more than 5 minutes, and there were no mice! We asked if there was any way we could get something to eat for dinner. The man who owned the house, Steven, said the cook could just "whip up some tomato olive pasta." It was the BEST pasta I've ever had, and I have been craving olives for the past two weeks. I'm used to having an abundance of olives of all different types at the lovely Webster house. So, that pasta hit the spot.
The next morning we had breakfast at the outside cafe. Anne and I somehow ended up talking about animals and this evil swan that she had tried to rescue, and there was wildlife all around us. So, when a bamboo mat fell off the wall and landed on my head OF COURSE I thought I was being attacked by a giant bird. I started flailing and got up as fast as I could to run away, whacking my head on a stone corner in the process. Both of the cooks heard me sceam and came hauling into the eating area to see if I was alright... Very embarassing stuff. Anne (aka Dr. Wheeler) later concluded that I most likely got a moderate level 2 concussion, so there was no need to seek medical attention haha.
The nature was absolutely beautiful. There was a waterfall right outside of our room which led to the Ganges. We walked down to the Ganges ( about a one minute walk), and went on a hike with the mission set on sticking a toe in the Ganges (which we referred to as the GanJ- the capital J is to make sure you really emphasis the "j" sound). The water was so pretty. We were right be the Himalaya mountains so it was glacial runoff- an inviting greenish blue color. The sand was the coolest sand I've ever seen. It was a light tan color, with flecks of silver. It looked at though someone had mixed tons of glitter in with the sand. Beautiful. On our hiking adventure we met a really sweet old man who lived in a tent by the river. He offered us tea and gave us some almonds and raisons for the journey. He told us he spends hours a day just meditating by the river.
After walking for about 45 minutes, we were so hot. The weather was phenomenal. This persuaded us, above all reasoning, to jump into the Ganges. Yes, it's true. I did it. We both jumped of a little cliff/ boulder. I have pictures to document the event. Anne jumped in first, and even though I saw her reaction, I decided to jump in as well. The water was absolutely freezing. Glacial runoff should have given me a hint that it was going to be freezing, but for some reason I didn't make the connection. It was seriously like jumping into ice water. I would say it was definitely worth it though.
Later we went to one of the River ceremonies and looked around the town. It was all very cool. Anne and I both don't have a watch so we got the time wrong on meeting our taxi. We got to the meeting spot a little over half an hour early. So, we found a large pile of rocks to sit on and watched an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on Anne's iPhone.
Ultimately I would definitely classify our journey to the Ganges as a success. I, unfortunately got sick at the end of our journey. I had a really high fever and wasn't able to go to work on Monday. Some people are blaming it on the GanJ. Who knows. I saw people drinking that water! And it healed Anne's zit haha. I'm better now.
Back to Vidya tomorrow to see the little ones :)

Another festival... Why not?

This week has gone pretty smoothly at work. I've started doing a project with the kids that has helped keep them engaged in learning and having fun. They are each making their own ABC books. Every day I bring in two letter worksheets that have the letter (capital and lowercase), two lines for them to practice writing the letter, and then a picture that goes with the letter for them to color. The coloring helps keep them concentrated longer, so they're not running around the whole time.
The other night I was awakened to Tonni yelling "Heather there is something in here." It sounded like a small animal going through the trash or in some sort of bag. Tonni turned on the light to have a look around, while screaming and standing on her tip toes in bed. Her freaking out was one of the funniest things I've seen since I've been here. After looking in the trash and finding nothing, Anne set out on a mission to convince Tonni that it was just something outside. The windows here aren't sealed well, so sounds travels quite easily into our apartment. It was a possibility, even if slight. We turned off the lights and attempted to go back to sleep. Everytime I would feel myself dozing off I would be snapped awake by more rustling. After about an hour of this I sat up and said, "That is definitely in our room." So, in a flash Tonni was up again freaking out and turning on the light. This time, the little beast was located after ten minutes of thorough searching. It was in a small bag at the base of Tonni's bed. She had left crachers in the bag that had ultimately attracted a little friend. Tonni bent the sides of the bag down and ran with it at arms length toward the door. I ran ahead of her, making sure to steer clear of the bag, and turned on all the lights. We threw the bag outside and saw a mouse run off, before we immediately ran in the opposite direction as though we were running from some huge monster. I went back outside to grab the bag, and the guard just looked at me like we were absolutely crazy haha. It was quite an eventful night, which caused everyone in our room to sleep through our alarms the next morning. At 9:05 we were awakened by one of our flatmates asking if we were going to work... My roommates and I are all supposed to leave for our placements by 9 haha. Amazingly we all got ready in record time, and were out the door within th next five minutes. We all made it to work.
Yesterday, I didn't have to teach because it was, yet again, a festival day. At school we all just sang songs, ate, and hung out around a fire. From whant I understand it was a festival celebrating the Hindu god of knowledge, which the teachers obviously feel is very important. While talking to the teacher that I help (Mrs. Peters), I was quite surprised to find that she is a Christian. She is the first Christian that I have met here so far. Most of those that I have met are Hindu or Sikh. One of the guys that helps with our program (Vicky) is a Sikh, and he showed us how he puts his turban on. I couldn't believe how big the peace of fabric was. Some of the Sikhs use a 12 meter peice of fabric, which is twice as long as the saris women wear to cover their entire body. The whole process looked very complicated and like it would take a good half hour to put on. Vicky can put his on in 2-3 minutes haha.
Today, I taught the class completely by myself without it turning into total chaos. I've gotten more comfortable using some of the Hindi words and phrases and am actually understanding some of the things the kids are asking. I know all of their names now which helps when you're trying to get someone's attention. I left school feeling like it was a good day.
Tomorrow I'm going to the Ganges with Anne and Tisa is Rishikesh. It is the time of year when a large portion of India makes their pilgrimage to the Ganges for a holy dips, so there are expected to be thousands of people there. I can't wait to see such a huge event in India. It's going to be quite an experience.
Almost all of the volunteers leave tomorrow. Their three weeks are up. There are only going to be 4 people, including myself, left. We are supposed to get a new group in on the 30th. I'm sad that the volunteers in my group are leaving, but I'm very excited to get the opportunity to meet more people.

A Perfect Weekend in Delhi

I went back to school on Friday, after having no school on Thrursday. I brought in a worksheet for the kids to do, but we didn't end up doing any work. The teachers at Vidya brought popcorn and peanuts to once again celebrate for Lorhi Festival. The kids all held hands in a circle as the fire was lit, and then they each got a handful of goodies to eat. It was a lot of fun to just spend time bonding with the kids in a different setting other than lessons. They are so interested to learn and share things about themself with me. I know all of the names of the kids in my class, which I'm proud of haha. A lot of the names are kind of hard to pronounce, and I see them giggle a bit when I call them by name. While we were all outside eating the popcorn and peanuts a lot of the older children and adults from the little slum community came to join. It was nice to see everyone come together to share friendship and a good time.
This weekend I opted to stay in Delhi to do some exploring around the town. It's such a large city, and there are so many different things to see and visit. I'm having a hard time navigating myself around. A lot of the different markets look very similar.
I went to the Lotus Temple again, this time to go inside. Cameras aren't allowed inside, because they don't want the tranquility to be disturbed. It was very beautiful inside, though. The temple is a place for people of all religions to come and meditate, so all the different prayers and creeds are recited in cycles. I heard the Lord's prayer while inside.
Saturday was and absolutely amazing day. There are only 5 of the volunteers still home this weekend, so we all hung out together. We went to Dilli Haat, and spent a great deal of time exploring all the different scarves, shoes, and trinkets. I was able to get some really good deals on presents for the family. I hope they like what I've gotten them.
The weather was amazing as well. It was the first day that I haven't had to wear a jacket! And the fog even cleared for the sun to come out! Because the weather was so fabulous, we all felt it necessary to go to a park. We decided to go to the Lotus Village park. It was beautiful. There were so many trees and such a PLETHERA of birds (that word is for Aaron :) haha). The whole place is deafening with the different caws and squacks of birds. It litereally sounds like you're in a giant bird cage. My favorite of all the birds were the lime green parakeets. There are different paths to walk through the park and a small pond in the middle. There were a ton of lotus plants and ducks. It was lovely.
I finally finished reading Tales of a Female Nomad. I really enjoyed the book. It makes me want to explore in so many other different countries. I hope to get the chance to travel much more throughout my lifetime. Since finishing that book, I've started another. It's called Holy Cow, and is about an Australian girl's life in India (mostly Delhi). It was on the bookshelf in my flat, so I thought I'd give it a try. So far it's been pretty good. I was a little disappointed with the beginning of the book. To start off, it had a very negative perception of India, and seemed to exaggerate some of the negative points of the Delhi. After the first few chapters, though, it has started to talk about more of the positive things.
There was one part in the book that made me laught so hard out loud. My roommate started laughing at me because of how hard I was laughing. The author says "We wake up to the rumble of wooden wheels of vegetable carts, the clip-clop of cows, the ping of bicycle bells and the cry of 'aiiiiiiyeeeeeeeee, aiiiiiiiiiyeeeeeee' (please come)." I thought this was so funny because it's exactly like where I'm living. There is this guy outside of one of our windows that yells aiiiyyyyyeeeee ALL DAY LONG. It's gotten to the point now that we all repeat after him as some sort of weird reflex and laugh. I realize you guys haven't heard this man, so you might not think it's that funny... But I thought it was downright hilarious.
I had another small discovery that made my day. There is this green sauce stuff everyday at lunch, and I've never had it because I always thought it was some sort of mint sauce. Well, today I finally tried it, and it definitely NOT mint sauce. It's amazing! It's tastes kind of like super spicy guacamole, and I'm in love with it. I went crazy mixing it in with my rice. It's something very simple, but it made me very happy :)
I think the five of us that were left in Delhi for the weekend are going to go out and eat southern Indian food tonight. I'm excited about it, I've only had northern Indian food so far. I'll let you know what my taste buds think of it.
I'm starting to plan a trip for next weekend. I think Anne, one of my roommates, and I are going to go to the Ganges. Exciting business! The weather is supposed to be really nice, not too hot, not to cold. So, I think it will be perfect.
That's all I've got for now. I'll try and blog tomorrow as well. I'm going to be starting a big project with my glass. I think they're really going to enjoy it, and it will give them a relatively big goal to work toward.