Good thing Blogging isn't my job, or I fear I would fail miserably. I'm so sorry that I haven't been very diligent in getting new posts up. I've been so busy, though, and have been having some great experiences.
Well, I think I'll start with big event number one: going to the Indian wedding. Prashant, my older brother's friend, was kind enough to invite Jake and I to attend a wedding with us. I'm so thankful, because is definitely one of my highlights since I've been to India. There was just such an incredible amount of everything there: food, drinks, friends, family, music, entertainment, dancing, excitement, colors, beautiful saris, etc. I was so intrigued by everything that was going on around me that I was speechless. Jake and I were smiling from ear to ear the whole time. Every wall of the event space was lined with endless amounts of food. Prashant and I joked that it would be paradise for Mance. After one plate I was full, but there was so much to taste that I willed my stomach to hold more. Everything was delicious. Also, I could get over how incredible everyone looked. The saris were brightly colored and embelished with so many sparkles, patterns, and designs. I felt so underdressed in my plain black shirt and dark jeans haha. Jake and I both had an amazing time, and thanked Prashant for inviting us after he dropped us back at the home base.
This week my students were having their spring exams everyday, so I didn't get to do much teaching. One thing that I really enjoyed, though, was getting to know the kids in a different way that just students. They were allowed to go out and play after they finished testing, so I got to just play with them. They taught me new Hindi words and games. Our roles were reversed and I was suddenly the student learning from them. It was a great week.
Also, I went with Jake and Cathy to Pappan Kalan to paint a room for the women's sewing group there. Before the room such a dark place. The windows let in little sunlight because of all the morter and dirt that was caked on them. The walls had become an uninviting grey, and there were signs of mice everywhere. As a surprise for the girls, we painted cleaned everything up, painted the walls a bright yellow color with some designs as a border, and then ordered tile to be put in the kitchen area and a new rug. The girls didn't know that anything was being done to the room, so I'm excited to see how they respond. The room now light and inviting with a bright purple door. It felt good to be doing some physical labor here, where I could actually see a visible improvement. Working with the kids has been so rewarding, but sometimes I fear that they're helping me more than I'm helping them.
It was funny watching all of the children gather outside the door to see what the "crazy foreigners" were doing. They kept coming in around the corner, trying to sneak a peak at what was going on in the room. Who would have known painting a room would cause so much commotion. Every once in a while we would take a tea break and play a little with the children. At one point Jake was taking so long to finish painting one of the doors because every five seconds he would run off to play. I ended up finishing the door for him haha.
On the way home Jake and I were in such a good mood that we sang the whole way home. Both of us were listening to different songs on our iPods, but were trying to make the songs go together haha. I feel bad for poor Kathy and Kewal for having to listen.
Ok, so I tried to add some pictures of the before and after for the sewing class, but it's not working. I'll try again tomorrow morning.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Latest News...
Have a just a little bit of free time before lunch, so I'm going to try and type out a blog super fast...
Last week was the hardest week I've had since I've been here. I felt like I was very redundant in school because none of the kids would listen to me or participate in the lessons. One day I actually just gave up trying to get their attention, sat down for the rest of the class, and watched them all run around and punch each other. I think the only thing that kept me sane during those few days was a little boy in my class. He sat in the corner writing his ABC's and singing. The song was slow and sad, but very beautiful. As I focused on his singing the rest of the class's yelling moved to the background.
I think I've finally gotten past the stage where the kids try to take advantage of my lack of Hindi, though. The past few times I've been in class they've been doing a lot better. I'm very encouraged by this. This morning I was even able to do some fun activities without them getting out of control. We all sat in a circle and did a large puzzle on the floor. The puzzle had different animals and numbers on it. I think they enjoyed it, and I did as well. I'm also starting a project of my own. I'm going to make a little book about all the kids in the class. I'm going to have their name, a picture, where they are in their studies, etc. I think this will help the next volunteer get to know all of the kids faster, while also giving information on where each kid stands acedemically. This was something that I had a problem with when I first got here. I had no idea what they had previously been learning, and how much each child knew. So, it was hard to make lesson plans at first. If nothing else, the book will at least help the volunteers learn each kid's name. That in itself was quite a challenge for me haha.
This past weekend I went to a Christian church in Delhi. The people all mingled before church, talking in English (I actually knew what was happening around me for a change). They had a band to sing with, and a lot of the songs were songs that I have sung in my own church. It was very comforting- like a little slice of home.
It rained all day yesterday and all night. It was more rain than I've seen the whole month and a half I've been here! So, the weather has changed again and is much cooler than last week. Hopefully it won't last long. I was really enjoying the sun.
We have this Friday off for yet another holiday (God bless India and all of it's holidays... It takes a whole third off of the years work days haha). So, I'm going to have a long weekend. Jake and I were going to try and go to Varanassi. The train ride is so long that you really need more than just a two day weekend. Unfortunately there weren't any more train tickets available when we looked. I don't know what we're going to do instead. Maybe go to the jungle or Jaipur.
Last week was the hardest week I've had since I've been here. I felt like I was very redundant in school because none of the kids would listen to me or participate in the lessons. One day I actually just gave up trying to get their attention, sat down for the rest of the class, and watched them all run around and punch each other. I think the only thing that kept me sane during those few days was a little boy in my class. He sat in the corner writing his ABC's and singing. The song was slow and sad, but very beautiful. As I focused on his singing the rest of the class's yelling moved to the background.
I think I've finally gotten past the stage where the kids try to take advantage of my lack of Hindi, though. The past few times I've been in class they've been doing a lot better. I'm very encouraged by this. This morning I was even able to do some fun activities without them getting out of control. We all sat in a circle and did a large puzzle on the floor. The puzzle had different animals and numbers on it. I think they enjoyed it, and I did as well. I'm also starting a project of my own. I'm going to make a little book about all the kids in the class. I'm going to have their name, a picture, where they are in their studies, etc. I think this will help the next volunteer get to know all of the kids faster, while also giving information on where each kid stands acedemically. This was something that I had a problem with when I first got here. I had no idea what they had previously been learning, and how much each child knew. So, it was hard to make lesson plans at first. If nothing else, the book will at least help the volunteers learn each kid's name. That in itself was quite a challenge for me haha.
This past weekend I went to a Christian church in Delhi. The people all mingled before church, talking in English (I actually knew what was happening around me for a change). They had a band to sing with, and a lot of the songs were songs that I have sung in my own church. It was very comforting- like a little slice of home.
It rained all day yesterday and all night. It was more rain than I've seen the whole month and a half I've been here! So, the weather has changed again and is much cooler than last week. Hopefully it won't last long. I was really enjoying the sun.
We have this Friday off for yet another holiday (God bless India and all of it's holidays... It takes a whole third off of the years work days haha). So, I'm going to have a long weekend. Jake and I were going to try and go to Varanassi. The train ride is so long that you really need more than just a two day weekend. Unfortunately there weren't any more train tickets available when we looked. I don't know what we're going to do instead. Maybe go to the jungle or Jaipur.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Feelings don't change because you leave the country
For those of you who read my blog, you may have been wondering why it’s taken me so long to update it. Forewarning: Here’s the truth, and it’s not uplifting in any way. I apologize.
I have only been writing my blog on days that go very well, and I am able to (for a very short period of time) forget the reality of my situation. The first few weeks here were extremely busy. I would wake up in the morning, go to work, eat lunch, have a lecture, go on some escapade around Delhi, eat dinner, and then go to bed. I didn’t have much free time. Everyone around me was new, and I was getting to know them. While this was fun, it also ensured that I never had any time to myself, which inadvertently meant that I never had any time to cry over my longing for Aaron. I would sneak in some tears in the middle of the night, or escape on a short visit to the toilet, but I was very limited.
Since the last volunteer group left, I have finished my orientation and no longer have any roommates. Which means more free time, more time to think, more time to feel. It’s coming up on the 5th month mark since Aaron’s death. How is it possible that all that time has passed? I’m still in the same place, but world is continuing. This simple fact is utterly heart breaking.
I haven’t written a blog since my trip to Rishikesh because I haven’t been able to bury my feelings since then. I have felt Aaron’s absence all around me. My logic tells me that I wouldn’t feel this absence so intensely half way across the world in India, because Aaron was never here. But I am, and Aaron was always with me.
These are a few entries from my journal while I’ve been avoiding the blog:
“Aaron should be here. Everyone always says ‘He’s there with you in your heart.’ I know they’re trying to help me, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I can’t talk to him, touch him, hug him, smile at him, smell him, laugh with him. He’s now a small box of ashes next to my bed, a photo album I won’t let leave my side, a necklace that hangs by my heart, and memories I fear to forget. I miss him more than I can express.”
“I’m very lonely today. I’m in a city of 15 million people, and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. One person can make all the difference. I wish I could talk to Aaron. Even if I couldn’t see him or hug him, I just wish we could talk.”
“ I didn’t get out of bed today. I cried. I didn’t eat breakfast today. I cried. I didn’t get dressed today. I cried. I didn’t eat lunch today. I cried. I didn’t talk to anyone today. I cried. I didn’t eat dinner today. I cried. I didn’t leave my bed today I cried. It felt like he was really gone today. So, I cried.”
I’ll stop there, because I know it’s outright depressing. These are feeling that I would have regardless of my location on the planet though. I don’t want this entry to mislead anyone. I am so glad that I made this trip, and whole heartedly believe it was the best thing for me.
There are things about India that are infinitely comforting at this time. When I was in America after Aaron’s death, the simple normalcy of everything was devastating. Everyone was just going about their day, like normal, in an organized fashion, while my life was in absolute chaos. I was stopped in my tracks, watching the world go by in a blur. I would zone out to the point where I couldn’t hear anything going on around me, and there were times of the day that were totally filled with silence. Silence is a dangerous thing when you have a mind, especially when that mind is full of the painful truth.
India, being almost the exact opposite, is filled to the brim with insanity. There seems to be many things here that don’t associate with any type of logic, and I love that. People show up hours late to a planned engagement, or better yet, they don’t show up at all. I see it almost everyday. I know a good portions of American’s would have a heart attack over this, but in India it’s completely acceptable, and in some cases, even expected. For a person, such as myself, who is having a hard time knowing what they’ll be able to do in a few hours, much less the next day or week, this is an extreme comfort. If it’s one of those days where my heartache moves to a whole body ache, I don’t really have to do anything. Before I left on this trip, I would make plans to meet with people, but at the last minute decide that I just didn’t have the strength at that time. I felt rude, inconsiderate, and like a bad friend. Here, on the other hand, I just feel like a fellow Indian.
There are people everywhere, always moving, always talking, always doing something. This leads to the best thing about Delhi, India… There is NEVER any silence. To make this ever better, all of the noise going on around me is in a language that I don’t understand. My mind doesn’t try to listen to the words that I can’t comprehend, so it just relaxes into a loud drone that makes it almost impossible to think- a beautiful escape. And I’ve come to realize that sometimes that’s all you need. Not everything can be fixed or healed in a timely fashion. You can’t always feel better when you want to. Sometimes pain is unbearable, and it’s these times that you need an escape in order to regain your strength for the next time you are slapped in the face by reality.
Now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you, have a nice day ☺
I’ll have another good day soon (it’s inevitable thank goodness), which will lead to another good blog.
I have only been writing my blog on days that go very well, and I am able to (for a very short period of time) forget the reality of my situation. The first few weeks here were extremely busy. I would wake up in the morning, go to work, eat lunch, have a lecture, go on some escapade around Delhi, eat dinner, and then go to bed. I didn’t have much free time. Everyone around me was new, and I was getting to know them. While this was fun, it also ensured that I never had any time to myself, which inadvertently meant that I never had any time to cry over my longing for Aaron. I would sneak in some tears in the middle of the night, or escape on a short visit to the toilet, but I was very limited.
Since the last volunteer group left, I have finished my orientation and no longer have any roommates. Which means more free time, more time to think, more time to feel. It’s coming up on the 5th month mark since Aaron’s death. How is it possible that all that time has passed? I’m still in the same place, but world is continuing. This simple fact is utterly heart breaking.
I haven’t written a blog since my trip to Rishikesh because I haven’t been able to bury my feelings since then. I have felt Aaron’s absence all around me. My logic tells me that I wouldn’t feel this absence so intensely half way across the world in India, because Aaron was never here. But I am, and Aaron was always with me.
These are a few entries from my journal while I’ve been avoiding the blog:
“Aaron should be here. Everyone always says ‘He’s there with you in your heart.’ I know they’re trying to help me, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I can’t talk to him, touch him, hug him, smile at him, smell him, laugh with him. He’s now a small box of ashes next to my bed, a photo album I won’t let leave my side, a necklace that hangs by my heart, and memories I fear to forget. I miss him more than I can express.”
“I’m very lonely today. I’m in a city of 15 million people, and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. One person can make all the difference. I wish I could talk to Aaron. Even if I couldn’t see him or hug him, I just wish we could talk.”
“ I didn’t get out of bed today. I cried. I didn’t eat breakfast today. I cried. I didn’t get dressed today. I cried. I didn’t eat lunch today. I cried. I didn’t talk to anyone today. I cried. I didn’t eat dinner today. I cried. I didn’t leave my bed today I cried. It felt like he was really gone today. So, I cried.”
I’ll stop there, because I know it’s outright depressing. These are feeling that I would have regardless of my location on the planet though. I don’t want this entry to mislead anyone. I am so glad that I made this trip, and whole heartedly believe it was the best thing for me.
There are things about India that are infinitely comforting at this time. When I was in America after Aaron’s death, the simple normalcy of everything was devastating. Everyone was just going about their day, like normal, in an organized fashion, while my life was in absolute chaos. I was stopped in my tracks, watching the world go by in a blur. I would zone out to the point where I couldn’t hear anything going on around me, and there were times of the day that were totally filled with silence. Silence is a dangerous thing when you have a mind, especially when that mind is full of the painful truth.
India, being almost the exact opposite, is filled to the brim with insanity. There seems to be many things here that don’t associate with any type of logic, and I love that. People show up hours late to a planned engagement, or better yet, they don’t show up at all. I see it almost everyday. I know a good portions of American’s would have a heart attack over this, but in India it’s completely acceptable, and in some cases, even expected. For a person, such as myself, who is having a hard time knowing what they’ll be able to do in a few hours, much less the next day or week, this is an extreme comfort. If it’s one of those days where my heartache moves to a whole body ache, I don’t really have to do anything. Before I left on this trip, I would make plans to meet with people, but at the last minute decide that I just didn’t have the strength at that time. I felt rude, inconsiderate, and like a bad friend. Here, on the other hand, I just feel like a fellow Indian.
There are people everywhere, always moving, always talking, always doing something. This leads to the best thing about Delhi, India… There is NEVER any silence. To make this ever better, all of the noise going on around me is in a language that I don’t understand. My mind doesn’t try to listen to the words that I can’t comprehend, so it just relaxes into a loud drone that makes it almost impossible to think- a beautiful escape. And I’ve come to realize that sometimes that’s all you need. Not everything can be fixed or healed in a timely fashion. You can’t always feel better when you want to. Sometimes pain is unbearable, and it’s these times that you need an escape in order to regain your strength for the next time you are slapped in the face by reality.
Now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you, have a nice day ☺
I’ll have another good day soon (it’s inevitable thank goodness), which will lead to another good blog.
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